


RWBY Snippets

by soul_droid



Category: RWBY
Genre: Boy I really don't know what to tag this thing..., F/F, Gen, Legend has it Qrow still hasn't stopped laughing, No particular focus, The first one's about sex, Then there's some other stuff, We talk about Summer Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 20:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16249292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_droid/pseuds/soul_droid
Summary: None of these fit into any narrative I can think of, so yeah. Have a bunch of random RWBY ideas I had. Not even sure how long this thing is gonna go, but here we are.





	RWBY Snippets

** Coco Helps Ruby With Women **

 

“Okay,” Coco begins “How far are you willing to go for a girl?”

Ruby asks “To get one, for her sake, or in terms of like what she wants me to do for her?”

“The last one. Say that you and I are dating--”

“Oh wow, go me.”

“All right, now I appreciate the compliment, but why ‘go you’? Why not ‘go me’? Why are you not the treat here? You gotta work on that self-confidence, Ruby.”

“I-I see...”

“Good. Anyway, if you and I were dating and we were say having sexy times, and I asked you to suck my toes, would you do it?”

“Why did you have to personalize it?”

“Is that a ‘no?”

“N-no, I’d do it! I mean, it’s just toes I guess. Wait, toes grow fungi.”

“True. Who knows where my feet have been.”

“Well... I guess if I knew you were the type who cleaned her feet regularly, then yes.”

“Cool. Now what about piss?”

“What about WHAT!?”

“Mkay, that’s a hard no. Should I even ask about scat?”

“You should not call it scat is what you should do.”

“Another no. Okay, I’m not gonna lie, I went pretty damn far just now. So no bodily fluids except saliva.”

“None at all. I’m not drinking your blood or your vomit either.”

“You stick to your convictions. I like it. For the record, I’m not into shitting, and have stopped having sex with a girl because she brought it up in the middle of the act. Also don’t wanna be vomited on. Ever again. There was no consent to that...”

“... Coco?”

“Ruby, I need you to promise me that if we ever have sex you won’t vomit on me.”

“I ALREADY SAID I WASN’T INTO THAT!!”

“You might have been trying to save face.”

“I won’t vomit on you!”

“Okay, good. Now, how about eating ass?”

“How... about... what?”

“Oh, well then _we_ are never having sex. What if she wants you to stick your hand up her butt?”

“I... I could work up to that.”

“Yeah, well then maybe you could work up to putting your tongue up there; be a team-player, Ruby.”

“You are very passionate about... doing _that_... aren’t you?”

“We all have our quirks. And on that subject, what if she wants to eat _your_ ass?”

“It seems like that would feel weird.”

“YOU’VE NEVER EVEN--!! *ahem* Excuse me. I’m just saying; don’t knock it ‘till ya try it. So I’m noticing we’re at a real roadblock when it comes to butt stuff. Not gonna lie. That is a turn-off for me.”

“Ehh--”

“I mean I know a lot of girls who just don’t want anything up there at all except like a few fingers at most, so you’re in good hands, but... Yeah.”

“I feel like we’re gonna get hung up on this for a while. Maybe we should take a break?” Ruby says, nervously standing up

“Maybe you should sit down, because we’re not finished.”

“Oh boy...” Ruby sits down again, resigned to her fate.

“Good. Now... What is it that weirds you out about eating a--"

 

\--

 

** Nobody Cares About The Whisper Song Anymore, So Why Did Yang Decide To Do This? **

 

As Team RWBY relaxed in their dorm without Ruby because that’s what this particular skit dictates happen -- I mean because she was off doing those entirely noncanon  team leader classes I brought up in that other fic about Glynda trying to psychoanalyze Ruby, which you can read at any point, if you’re looking for something with actual gravitas and pathos. Anyway, as luck would have it, Yang notices something odd on Team RWBY’s desk:

“Oh my goodness, you guys,” Yang says as I almost accidentally typed “you gays”, though I’m sure knowing the RWBY fandom you’d have accepted if I went through with it. “Ruby left her scroll before she went to class!”

Blake looks up from her book, because she knows what’s about to happen, and being the most responsible person in the room (which is really sad, when you think about it), she realized she had to do something about it. “Yang. Don’t.”

“I’m not gonna...”

“Good.”

“Not do it.”

“Fucking--"

As Yang jumps off her bunk, Blake jumps out of hers, and Weiss makes an ice fort around herself, because dammit, no. Blake opens up with a roundhouse straight to Yang’s face, which sends Yang cascading to the ground. Immediately, she backflips from the prone position up to her feet like Ann does in Persona 5. She uses her gauntlets to bound over Blake, straight to the scroll, pick it up, open the window, and throw it out, which absolutely confuses the ever loving shit out of Blake, who regardless jumps out after it, only to get a quick glimpse of Yang closing the window with a shit-eating grin on her face, waving the scroll she most definitely did not throw. Sitting down at the desk, Yang starts scrolling through Ruby’s dishearteningly short list of contacts, before she notices something.

 

Inside Weiss’s ice fort, she found peace, serenity, and tranquility. Maybe this was the place she would go to whenever she needed some quiet, and some-- some-- some water melting on the side of the fort-- why was the fort melting? Just then, Yang shoves her face into a hole in the wall, smiling from ear-to-ear, just like Mirio from My Hero Academia, which is a reference I can use now because that part’s been animated.

“...” Weiss looks at Yang with an expression that reads ‘no’ as loudly as she can possibly project it.

“...”

“...”

“... Hey, Weiss.”

But of course some people just don’t listen. “Yang.”

“You remember Penny?”

“I absolutely do not.”

“That weird girl Ruby started hanging out with who got really excited when Ruby called her a friend?”

“... Vaguely, I remember her, yes. Why?”

“She’s in Ruby’s contacts.”

“...”

“I’mma do it.”

Weiss lifts a hand up and slowly causes the ice hole to start squeezing Yang’s head, silently explaining that it was time for Yang to leave, though by God, somehow, she was still smiling the whole time.

As Yang pulls her head out of the hole that was now smaller than her head, and defied all logic, like some sort of Looney Toons character, she sat down again and grinned.

After she was finished doing Satan’s work, the door opened, and in came Ruby, followed by Blake. Ruby immediately dove for her scroll, and tackled Yang down to the ground “WHAT DID YOU DO!?”

And Yang grins, because the damage is already done.

 

Far away, in Atlas.

 

Penny Polendina gets a vibration on her scroll in the middle of listening to Ciel Soleil rant about a student who was a blatant pervert, but since this is an animu show, we’re just gonna accept this as an endearing trait, and not the very real problem that it is. She opens it up, and looks at the message that she has just received.

“Oh, it’s from Ruby!”

“Hm?” Ciel asks

“It says... ‘Hey, how you doin lil mama’, Oh my goodness! I never expected Ruby to be so forward!” She says as she blushes even though she’s a robot, but if we didn’t question it when Aigis did it in Persona 3, we’re not gonna question it now. “‘Lemme whisper in your ear, tell you somethin that you might like to hear. Got a sexy ass body--”

Ciel immediately snatches the scroll from Penny’s hand because I have a ridiculous fixation on this character, and I keep meaning to write a vampire AU with her Ruby and Penny in it but for now she can settle for a cameo in this crack fic. She looks at the scroll, and confirms none of this was made up, as she looks on in horror “... ‘Wait till you see my’-- what kind of questionable character _is_ this Ruby Rose!?”

 

Back in Vale

 

As Yang runs penalty laps with Ruby on her back, she asks “When does this end!?”

“When I say it does!!” Just then, she gets a text message. “Huh? ‘I never knew you _also_ felt this way, Ruby, but I am elated...”

“Hah! I’m the hero in the end! You got a girlfriend out of this!”

“Keep running.”

“Aw, you are a complete bit--”

 

\--

 

** Summer Spoke Before Thinking Most of the Time **

 

I figure we should end this particularly unairable episode of RWBY Chibi with a look at the family life of Summer and Taiyang.

 

“Oh, no, no,” Says Qrow Branwen, in the middle of a conversation already in progress “See, whenever you girls ask about your mom, Tai always gives you the milquetoast boring side of Summer, and not the awesome or funny bits.”

“Qrow.” Tai says, issuing a warning

“They’re out there risking their lives hunting grimm, Tai. Like it or not, they’re not your fragile little girls anymore; they can take the truth.”

“Yeah!” Ruby says, demanding to know more about her mother “We can take it, dad! I just wanna know what she was like aside from doing all the Superwoman stuff!”

Tai shakes his head “Well... She was... she was something... one thing that would get her in trouble a lot was her tendency to speak before thinking.”

Qrow mentions “Pretty crappy combination to have next to a guy whose super power is bad luck for everybody around him.”

“Yeah, but she figured your bad luck wouldn’t matter, because Summer was a great person, but very hotheaded when it came to personal challenges, which sucked because her ego was huge. Anyway, with the whole talk-first-think-later mentality, arguments with her were a real wild card. One argument I’ll never forget was about like me not repairing the gutters or something. I told her I was busy with a whole bunch of other things around the house, and that was when she started making personal attacks, because Summer was very good at getting in, doing damage, and getting out, and that was both physically and emotionally. So of course I rose to the occasion and started firing back, and that was when she said something that caused the whole argument to just stop--”

“OH SHIT!” Qrow says, already starting to laugh “I REMEMBER THIS ONE!”

“Why do I keep letting him in my house?” He decides to forget it “Anyway, she said to me, and this is the memorable part, word-for-word, ‘if I had married Raven, we’d have lasted!”

Ruby’s eyes go wide, because why the hell would you ever sink that low? What could ever convince you that that was a good thing to say in any situation?

“An extreme desire to win, that’s what.”

“I didn’t say that out loud.” Ruby says, almost covered by the sound of Qrow laughing at somebody else’s misfortune, and really being the only thing that’s keeping this fic from being really dark, sorta like Little Gray in Metal Gear Solid 4.

“It was written on your face. Anyway, even Summer realized that she’d crossed the line, like that scene in Black Dynamite where he yelled at Euphoria.”

Yang catches that, however, and asks “Wait, did the narrator’s inability to focus just cross over into the actual dialogue?”

“I dunno. Anyway, the point is that she spent the next like week or so trying to make up for saying what she did, long after I’d told her I was over it. And that’s the kind of stuff I don’t like to tell you about your mother.”

“Wow...” Ruby says “Well, that’s a little... weird to hear about... But wait a minute... The narrator never actually said Qrow stopped laughing.” They look over to Qrow on the ground, gasping for breath

“P-p-please-- call the ambulance! HahahahaHAHAHA! Or get the writer to end this segment! I’m g-- I’m gonna pass out!”

And that’s apparently how I’m choosing to end this part.

Anyway, go check out my other RWBY stories, or head on over to my 365-days-of-ruby-rose blog where I make original content every day for a year, because that’s not a terrible decision or anything.


End file.
